B4FV105: Phage
by Fifth Voyager
Summary: Neelix gets attacked on an away mission and his lungs are stolen. Meanwhile Janeway and Chakotay are getting sick of certain crewmembers, and they force them on a an away mission to get rid of them


Phage  
**(Parts ****1**** & ****2****)**

**Disclaimer**  
(See also O, FV & KT Disclaimers)  
This episode is based on the original episode, but I don't know this episode too well. You know the drill if I don't know the episode that well then it's quite likely to turn into an episode similar to The Voyager Conspiracy. Also, because of the seriousness of the latest Season 3 episode, there's lots of insanity to be put in this one. You have been warned.  
Also Cherry Coke and that new disturbing Diet Coke with Lemon does belong to the Coca Cola company... don't ask.

**Edited 17th November 2002**  
Oh and White Wispas do exist now, I did actually make up the idea long before they released those. They belong to Nestle btw ^_^

**Episode Synopsis**  
Neelix gets attacked on an away mission and his lungs are stolen. Meanwhile Janeway and Chakotay are getting sick of certain crewmembers, and they force them on a an away mission to get rid of them 

****   
**Guest Stars**  
Marill_ as herself_  
Raichu_ as herself_  
??_ as the cra__zy gunman_

****   
**Written By**  
Marill & Raichu

**Written**  
5th June 2002

**Episode Based In**  
October 2370 (early season 1) 

**Last time on B4 Fifth Voyager**  
"No, I'm not finished. You think just because you're a little tougher than I am, you're all it. Let me tell you something, you're not. You're just a soft little boy who can't even get his female best friend to go out with him," Tom said.

Harry started headbutting the console, hard.

"I'm bored now," James said. He grabbed Tom by the arm, and he pushed him into the wall. He put his hand around his neck. "Ok, care to repeat that now."

"Ensign! Continue that behaviour, and you're in the brig for the rest of this trip!" Chakotay yelled.

"Not before I finish with him," Jessie muttered.  
  
**  
"Like I said, the other night. Do you really think I kissed you for another reason other than testing you," Jessie replied.

"How low can you go," Tom muttered.

"I could say the same thing. You went as far as testing me like that, and you decide to tell me now in front of the Bridge crew," James said angrily.

"I didn't want to hurt your feelings, but after that little display I thought it was necessary," Jessie said.

"Out of all the awful things you've done over the years, this is far by the worst. You f**king disgust me," James said angrily.

"Hey, watch that language on the Bridge," Chakotay said.

"Oh go screw Janeway," James said.

"Tuvok, take him to the Brig," Chakotay ordered angrily. Tuvok nodded.

"That's fine with me, but let me just say this. You and Tom, I don't care anymore. You can have her. Do me a favour, dump her good, she deserves it," James said. Tuvok took a hold of his arm, but he pulled it away. "I know the way," he muttered and he headed to the turbolift. Tuvok followed him.  
  
**  
"Jessie, you never listen to me do you. Believe it or not but his crush will go away, if it continues it's going to ruin everything for you guys," Danny said.

"It's already ruined... he's said some awful things over the years, but he's never said anything like that before," Jessie said.

"Jess, you've got to be strong. You two are going to have to talk about it, if you still want to be friends with him, and he still wants to be friends with you, they'll be a way of fixing it. Trust me," Danny said.  
  
**  
"You will. You see I was in England one time, and I met a guy who was 7 years older than me in a bar one night. We were both drunk.." Kathryn said.

"What's this got to do with me?" James asked.

"Shut up, I'm getting there. I was 18 when it happened. He was trying to get off with me, I said I wasn't interested in him, you know the routine. He tested me like Jessie tested you. Because we were drunk, it got worse. You know the rest," Kathryn replied.

"Eeew, I don't want the image in my head," James muttered.

Kathryn looked nervous but she continued. "I actually got pregnant with this guy, I didn't know until 3 months into it. I went back to England to hide my secret, and to find the guy I met. He was married with an 11 year old daughter."

"Gee, that sounds typical," James said.

"I had a miscarriage, it might of been due to all the stress. I went back home, my family don't even know I was ever pregnant," Kathryn said.  
  
**  
Kathryn sighed. "Don't mind him, he's just a bit.." Kathryn said.

"I understand, I have a son like that too," the man said.

Kathryn and James stared blankly at the man. "Son? No, he isn't my son," Kathryn said.

"Thank god," James muttered. Kathryn glared at him again.  
  
**  
"Well I just do. You know that I like you and everything," Tom replied.

"No, I'm not going out with you, that's final," Jessie said.

"I didn't ask," Tom muttered.

"You were going to though, every guy who has, has started like that," Jessie said.

"Ok then, so that's your final answer," Tom said.

"My first boyfriend would have to see me as their first girlfriend. If you catch my drift," Jessie said.

"If you're going to wait for a guy who's been free all his life, then you're going to be waiting a while. Just give me a chance," Tom said.  
  
**  
The older guy smiled. "You said you just arrived here today. Yet according to our scans you were either in that plant yesterday, or you were at the site of a disaster this planet as ever known," the older guy said. The other guy pointed a weapon at Kathryn.

"Maybe we should say it was the second one," James said quietly. Kathryn rolled her eyes.  
  
**  
"Whatever you're about to do will most probably result in the deaths of everyone on this world," Kathryn replied.

Oman laughed, he turned to the others. "What we're doing is far from dangerous."

A weird light started blinking behind Kathryn. A weird portal appeared.

"My god, if that gets any closer to that wall, it'll cause a chain reaction," Oman muttered.

"The rescue attempt, that's what sets it off," Kathryn said.

**And now the conclusion**  
**A couple of months ago (February 2002), a Coca Cola factory**  
All the workers were working at their usual workstations. A scream is heard from the bottle making part of the factory. Everyone rushes over to see what's going on. A guy with a black thing on his head, was holding a gun at someone's head.

"Ok, give me all the Cherry Coke you have stashed here!" the guy yelled.

The manager pushed his way through the crowd. "That's over 2 years worth, you can't take it all by yourself."

"I know, that's why I brought this," the guy said. He pulled out a remote, and he pressed a button on it. The entire factory started shaking, then the roof was blown off. Everyone looked up and saw a weird space ship. "Just bring it all here, and I'll transport it aboard. Do it quickly and no one gets hurt."

"Do as he says," the manager said.

"But we need to rip off addicts with this stuff by not selling as many big bottles as the other brands," a woman said.

"Don't be stupid, we've got that new Diet Coke with Lemon to rip people off with. We'll just distribute that instead. Release it in June," the manager said.

"If you say so," the woman muttered.

10 minutes later a huge load of Cherry Coke was just in front of the guy with the gun. He and all the Cherry Coke was transported away.

"I'm so glad we have another fruity brand to replace it with," the manager said.

Some guy ran over to the manager. "Sir, we have a crisis. We asked all the testers who liked Cherry Coke and only 10% of them like the new Lemon. We're ruined, we'll have to stop supplying Asda with ordinary Coke 2 litre bottles to make up for the loss."

"Ohno, we can't do that. What we need now is a miracle," the manager said.

**Present day (June 2002), ****Marill's house:**  
Raichu stepped into the house holding a clear white bag. She pulled out one 2 litre Cherry Coke bottle.

"Don't tell me, that two for £2 offer is off now," Marill muttered.

"Oh yeah, and that's not all. That was the last one, and they've put up the price, it's about £1.60 now," Raichu said.

"Crap, that means we're going to have to goto Consett or Gateshead to get some cheaper stuff," Marill said.

The two made their way into the Living Room. As usual Raichu nearly killed herself by tripping over the black cat. "Stupid cat!" she yelled.

The two then took about 10 minutes to lure the cat out of the Living Room, and Raichu closed the door quickly.

"How long do you think it'll take for us to get hypered up this time?" Raichu asked.

"Dunno, but we're on a tight schedule here so it'd better be quick," Marill replied.

"With only one bottle it ain't going to last long. Fifth Voyager's losing it's insanity," Raichu said.

"I know that," Marill growled.

**20 minutes later:**  
All the Cherry Coke had gone, the two writers were reduced to drinking orange juice. With Raichu it just wasn't doing the job. Marill was writing something on a pad while Raichu was flicking through the music channels.

"Geeze, they play that new Eminem video a lot," Raichu muttered. She accidentally slipped on the wrong numbers on the remote, and a news channel came on.

"Hello and welcome to Addict's News," a woman, who was clearly addicted to drugs, said.

"Today addicts were going crazy at all Safeway stores to grab the last remaining Cherry Coke bottles," a man said. He picked up his cigarette and took a long swig of it.

"Asda lost the sale of large Cherry Coke bottles months ago, Asda claimed they just weren't getting any," the woman said.

The screen changed to show the main Asda manager. "We just weren't getting any."

"Didn't they just say that?" Raichu asked.

"Asda then blamed it on Safeway, they said they were hogging all the supplies," the woman's voice said.

"It's all Safeway's fault. They were hogging all the supplies, I mean have you seen how many bottles they had!" the Asda manager exclaimed.

"How do you know?" the reporter asked.

"I shop there, you really think I shop at Asda?" the manager replied.

The screen changed back to the news room. "That manager was fired a day after, reason has not been revealed. The new manager then found out that Safeway and other small shops were running low too," the woman said.

"In recent days it has been nearly impossible to get a hold of any Cherry Coke. Addicts have been going crazy," the smoking man said.

"The Coca Cola Company are denying all knowledge of this new plan to replace Cherry Coke permanently with Diet Coke with Lemon," the woman said.

Marill and Raichu glanced at each other, they started giggling. "What kind of idiot would drink that?" Raichu asked.

The screen showed the Coca Cola Manager. "That's crazy. Cherry Coke is a very important part of our mission to take over the world... er I mean it's a very important brand to us. Diet Coke with Lemon is just the replacement for Cherry Coke until we can make all the Cherry Coke that was stolen by a crazy man with a space ship over a month ago."

The screen changed back to the news room. "Of course that manager has been thrown into the Nut House for observation only," the smoking man said.

"And now onto other news, the evil substance known as White Chocolate is continuing to sweep the country as more and more things turn white. Today the company who make Wispa have announced a release of a white chocolate version of itself..." the woman said.

Raichu turned the TV back to the music channels.

"Aaaw, I like Wispa's," Marill moaned.

"Didn't you hear that, all the Cherry Coke was stolen by a guy with a spaceship," Raichu said.

"Er Raichu, no guy in this world could gain possession of a spaceship for crying out loud," Marill said.

"Unless..." both of the writers said in unison.

**Voyager, the Mess Hall****:**  
Kathryn walked into the back part of the Mess Hall. She was shocked to see pots and pans everywhere. Steam had filled the entire area. Neelix was running around the area either serving some weird food or cooking some weird food. Kathryn went over to Neelix.

"Hi Captain, do you want some breakfast?" Neelix asked.

"What have you done!" Kathryn replied loudly.

"Excuse me?" Neelix said.

"This was my own personal dining area. This was not suppose to be a kitchen," Kathryn said.

"But there was no where else to put a kitchen," Neelix said. He rushed over to one of his pans.

In: "Chakotay to Janeway."

Kathryn sighed and she tapped her commbadge. "Yes Commander?"

In: "We've found a planetoid that's filled with dilithium, or is it deuterium. I'm not quite sure."

In: "Don't look at me, if the writers don't know then we wont know."

In: "We're smarter than those writers so don't ever say that."

In: "I know, but if the writers don't know then they wont be able to make it look like we know."

Kathryn rolled her eyes. "Chakotay, Tom, it really doesn't matter what it is. We need both anyway. I'm on my way to the Bridge." She then headed back out the way she came leaving Neelix to poison the crew with his cooking.

Kathryn pulled out a script, she read some of it then she went back into the Mess Hall. "Neelix, you're with me," she said as she dragged Neelix out of the Mess Hall with her.

**The Bridge:**  
Kathryn and Neelix stepped out of the turbolift. The Bridge had the usual crewmembers at their stations. Harry at opps, Tuvok at Tactical, Tom at the helm, Ian at the Science Station, and Jessie & James at the Engineering station. Chakotay was standing in the centre of the Bridge.

Kathryn and Neelix went over to Chakotay. "Is it safe?" Kathryn asked.

"Safe yes, but it'll take a while to mine all of that... er, D stuff out," Chakotay replied. Kathryn rolled her eyes.

"I know this planetoid," Neelix said.

Tom turned around to look their way. "In the original episode didn't Neelix tell us to come here?"

"Shut up, Tom!" everyone on the Bridge yelled. Tom's eyes widened and he turned back to his station.

"We'd better send an away team," Kathryn said and she glanced at Chakotay. He nodded his head and he went towards the turbolift. He didn't notice Neelix following him when he glanced at Kathryn.

"Do I take Harry or Tuvok, I really can't remember," Chakotay asked.

"I think it was Harry," Kathryn replied.

"Whatever, Harry you're with me," Chakotay said. Harry nodded and he quickly went over to Chakotay. Harry noticed Neelix right behind Chakotay.

"Is he going too?" Harry asked.

Chakotay glanced over his shoulder. "Of course, he is the main point of the original episode."

"It's not that obvious, I mean I lost my episode last time to that jerk over there," Tom said.

"Shut up, Tom!" everyone yelled again. Tom turned back to his station again.

"We were suppose to forget everything with the planet, remember. Time was reset," Harry said.

"Oh yeah, silly me," Tom said.

"Wait a minute, did he just call me a jerk?" James asked.

Everyone looked at each other, well more or less everyone. They then turned back to James. "No," they all said.

"Yes," Jessie said. Everyone glanced at her, including Tom.

"Crap, he'll go all evil Slayer on me now," Tom muttered.

"Shut up Tom!" everyone yelled again.

"Oh yeah, that's Season 3 material... I think I'll just fly the ship," Tom muttered and he turned back to his station.

"Evil Slayer? Where do you get those ideas from?" Jessie muttered to herself.

"Who, the writers or me?" Tom asked as he turned around again.

Everyone glanced at Tom again, he nodded his head and he turned back around.

"Can you please go, Commander," Kathryn said and she sat down in her chair.

"Gladly," Chakotay muttered. He, Harry and Neelix went into the turbolift.

An unknown ensign took over the opps station. As he did so James put his hand up. Kathryn rolled her eyes as she glanced at him. "Yes?"

"Can I goto opps?" James asked.

Kathryn was about to answer but Jessie spoke for her "why?"

"Cos I want to," James replied. Everyone groaned.

"It isn't because you're so disgusted with me that you'd rather be somewhere else," Jessie said.

"Actually, yes it is that," James said.

"Just go!" Kathryn yelled which made everyone jump out of their skin. Tom was about to turn around again but he could already feel everyone's glare on his back. He decided against it. James made his way over to the opps, the unknown ensign sulked and went into the turbolift... never to be seen again.

"I'm getting very sick of this crew's behaviour," Kathryn muttered to herself.

The Bridge was quiet for a few minutes. Kathryn sighed in relief, as soon as she did so the turbolift doors opened and Danny stepped onto the Bridge. She went over to the Engineering station.

"Hi everyone!" Danny said loudly.

Kathryn groaned and she hid her face with her right hand.

"Hi Dan," Jessie said.

"How's the day been?" Danny asked loudly.

"Fine until you showed up," Ian muttered. Danny turned his way.

"I wasn't asking you!" Danny yelled across the Bridge.

"Stop yelling, you're giving everyone a headache," Ian said.

"As long as you're one of them I don't care," Danny said.

"He's right Danny, you should keep your voice down," James said.

"Oh and you'd know something about that," Danny said.

"Hey, leave him alone," Ian said.

"He shouldn't of said anything, so stop defending him," Danny said.

"I will defend anyone who's the victim of you," Ian said.

"Oooh, that's tough talk. I didn't know that you could handle it," Danny said.

"Danny, you're attracting attention," Jessie muttered.

"Oh come on Jess, he started it," Danny said.

"Yeah but you were the one who came onto the Bridge yelling your head off," James said.

"Oh, so I get told off for causing arguments on the Bridge, yet you don't," Danny said.

"I got thrown into the Brig last time," James said.

Tom turned around. "No, that was because you told Chakotay to screw Janeway." 

End of Part I  
  


* * *

Part II

Kathryn glared at Tom, he looked nervous and he turned around. She then turned around to look at James. He smiled nervously and then he waved. Kathryn looked like she was ready to explode.

"Screw Janeway, that's a good one," Ian sniggered.

"Thanks," James said.

Jessie and Danny glanced at each other and they shook their heads. "Men," they both muttered.

"What's that suppose to mean!" Ian yelled across the Bridge again.

"I'll tell you what that was suppose to mean. You men are obsessed with the 's' word, that's all you ever think about!" Danny yelled across the Bridge.

"You can talk Danny," James said.

"Excuse me!" Danny exclaimed.

"Why, what did you do?" James asked.

"James, that joke isn't funny anymore," Jessie said.

Ian shook his head. "Women have no sense of humour."

Kathryn stood up. "That's enough!" she screamed. The four teens stopped arguing and they glanced at her. "If you want to fight and yell at each other, please don't do it from different corners of the room. Goto one of your quarters to argue, please."

Tom turned around again. "Quarters? Captain, these four need a boxing ring. I can see it now, Women Vs Men. Sorry ladies, you wouldn't stand a chance."

"Sexist pig," Danny muttered.

"What makes you think I can't take Ian and James on?" Jessie asked.

Tom sniggered. "Please Jessie, James is the smallest out of the two yet the last fight you had with him ended with you in tears."

"I was not in tears! Also it wasn't even a fight!" Jessie yelled.

"Sorry Jess, you wouldn't last in a 'come to blows' fight with him. You just cried after being given some verbal treatment," Tom muttered.

"I did not cry you dip s***!" Jessie yelled.

"I'll keep quiet," Danny muttered.

"First time for everything," Ian said.

"Shut up Ian! I can hurt you with just my finger, but right now I'm ready to pummel you!" Danny yelled.

"With your finger? Danny, poking me in the eye is not going to help you this time," Ian muttered.

"Stop showing me up!" Danny exclaimed.

"It's easily done," James muttered.

"It is not!" Danny yelled.

Kathryn turned red with rage. "Get out of here, now!" she yelled in a pure devilish voice. The four teens wasted no time in heading for separate turbolifts, Danny & Jessie in one, and James & Ian in the other.

"Do I have to go?" Tom asked.

"Not if you keep quiet... oh I need some coffee," Kathryn replied. She rushed into the Ready Room.

**The planetoid:**  
Chakotay, Harry and Neelix were each on their own, with tricorders. Neelix reached a dead end. "I'm detecting a lifesign."

In: "Neelix, I think you should get back here."

"Just a minute, Commander," Neelix said. He didn't notice that somebody was behind him pointing a weird weapon at him. Neelix heard something and he turned around. The person behind him shot at him and he screamed.

Chakotay heard the scream coming through his commbadge. "Kim!" he yelled and he ran further down the tunnel. Harry heard from where he was and he ran back the way he came.

Chakotay reached the same dead end Neelix was in. He was lying on the ground shaking uncontrollably, also he was having trouble breathing. Chakotay knelt down beside him, he tried to hold him still with one hand. He tapped his commbadge. "Chakotay to Voyager, emergency beam out."

**Voyager, Sickbay:**  
Neelix was on the biobed with Chakotay and Harry at the side of it. The Doctor rushed over to the awayteam with a hypospray, he pressed it into Neelix's neck. He went unconscious. The Doctor then put this other medical thing on Neelix's chest.

"That should keep him alive for the moment. His lungs have been removed," the Doctor said.

Chakotay and Harry glanced at each other with shocked expressions on their faces.

**Conference:**  
Most of the main cast were sitting at the table as the Doctor was on the screen talking.

"If we don't get his real lungs back he could die," the Doctor said.

"Can't you get a donor?" Tom asked.

"No, nobody on this ship is compatible for a Talaxian," the Doctor replied.

"How long can you keep him stable?" Kathryn asked.

"Another 20 minutes, at the most," the Doctor replied.

"Thank you, Doctor, we'll do all we can," Kathryn said. The screen went off.

"We could send an awayteam to a Talaxian planet to search for a donor," Chakotay suggested.

"The nearest Talaxian planet is an hour away, Commander," Tuvok said.

"Yes but still it's better than nothing. That ship is too far ahead of us to catch up," Chakotay said.

"It is a bit of a hopeless mission," Kathryn muttered in mid thought.

"Why do I sense a but coming?" Chakotay asked.

"It would take more than 2 hours to complete that mission, Neelix will be long dead then. But it wouldn't hurt to send an awayteam," Kathryn replied with a devious smile on her face.

"I don't get what you mean," Chakotay said.

"You know that we've been having problems with four loud mouthed Marquis teenagers. They've been a bit of a distraction among the crew, it wouldn't hurt to be rid of them for a few hours," Kathryn said.

"Wouldn't it be a bit suspicious if you sent just those four on the same mission?" Harry asked.

"Yes it would, one extra crewmember should go with them. Any volunteers?" Kathryn replied.

"I volunteer, Captain," Tuvok said. Everyone sighed in relief.

"Ok, Tuvok. You'll lead the awaymission. Leave the ship as soon as possible, don't tell your team about the deadline we have," Kathryn said.

"Aye Captain," Tuvok said.

"In the mean time we can have a sensible episode parody. We'll do all we can to get back Neelix's lungs," Kathryn said.

"Sensible episode parody? Janeway please, we're talking about Fifth Voyager here," Chakotay said.

"That last Season 3 episode was mostly serious, so was bits of the movie and the last episode," Kathryn said.

"Yeah, think about it. Those damn writers will want to make up for lost insanity. That's why this one's had more or less no seriousness in so far," Chakotay said.

"It will, I know what those writers are like. They'll be too busy writing insane stuff for their characters that they'll forget about us," Kathryn said.

"I hope you're right," Harry muttered.

"I don't, it'll make the original characters look boring and the extra ones not boring," Tom said.

"There's plenty time for that, Tom. Now everyone dismissed," Kathryn said.

**Third Dimension, Earth:**  
"You really think it's someone we know?" Raichu was asking as she typed up something on the computer.

"Do you really think it's not someone we know. Think about it, Fifth Voyager has been less insane since the Cherry Coke shortage, plus less stuff has been written during that time. Somebody against us must want this to happen," Marill said.

"For what reason?" Raichu asked.

"To finish Fifth Voyager," Marill replied. Dramatic music came over the entire house. Raichu jumped and she turned the volume down on the CD Player.

"Why are you listening to that damn Lion King soundtrack?" Raichu asked.

"I didn't put it in," Marill replied. Raichu knocked the volume control by accident and it blasted again. She quickly turned it back down.

"Who else but that Sixth Voyager webmaster would want Fifth Voyager finished?" Raichu asked.

"Oh yeah, I forgot about that. Cherry Coke and Orange Juice does make me forgetful," Marill replied.

"It's ok, it's not him. He's not that devious," Raichu said.

Marill tried her best not to laugh, "you haven't met him have you. I know it isn't him, it ain't his style."

"But that guy said it was an insane guy with a spaceship," Raichu said.

"He doesn't have a spaceship!" Marill exclaimed.

"I know that, but if it is somebody we know then the spaceship part must be wrong. That manager did invent Diet Coke with Lemon after all, he has to be insane," Raichu said.

"True, but explain how one man managed to take all the Cherry Coke," Marill said.

Raichu raised her eyebrow. "Ever heard of a wagon?"

"No I mean how did he get it out of the factory?" Marill asked.

"I don't know. This isn't getting us anywhere," Raichu replied.

"Maybe the guy took the Cherry Coke to stop us writing such insane material," Marill muttered.

"Marill, you said something similar before.. remember the finishing Fifth Voyager remark," Raichu said.

"Oh, ha ha.. Raichu, you're so funny. If you must know I can write serious stuff," Marill said.

"Yeah, with a depletion of Cherry Coke on your side," Raichu said.

"I've got an idea," Marill said.

"If it has nothing to do with Fifth Voyager plots I want nothing to do with it," Raichu said.

"It hasn't, but it will do if we don't do something. We can use the Erona or the Lillyia Fleet to scan for the Cherry Coke. Both ships have cloaks so no one will see them. When we find a place filled with lots of Cherry Coke we will know where the crazy gunman is," Marill said.

"Marill, you can't use any of those ships in B4 Fifth Voyager, if you do the bad continuity will go through the roof," Raichu said.

"Good point... we can use Voyager," Marill said.

"It doesn't have a cloak," Raichu muttered.

"Well why don't you think of something! You're the brains of the group!" Marill exclaimed.

"Well when you put it like that maybe I'll make the effort," Raichu said. She started thinking. "We could search every large storage area in the country. The Cherry Coke has to be there."

"Oh well done, Raichu. While we're at it we can visit my sister at her new house in Wales, then speed all the way over to Canada and visit my mam's uncle," Marill said sarcastically.

"Really?" Raichu said questioningly.

"No, not really. We can't afford to travel, I'm going on holiday this year and I haven't got a job. Plus, you barely make enough to pay for the internet bill," Marill said.

Raichu rolled her eyes. "There must be something we can do."

Marill smiled slyly. "There is, lets goto Voyager."

"I thought we already discussed the faults of that plan," Raichu said.

"No, I've got a different plan," Marill said.

**T****hree**** hours later, Shuttle Sacajawea:**  
Tuvok was sitting at the front of the shuttle, piloting. Ian was sitting next to him, slowly spinning the chair side to side. Jessie and Danny were both watching him with annoyed looks on their faces. James was standing behind Tuvok, doing nothing.

"Would you stop spinning on the chair," Danny said finally.

"Why, is it annoying you?" Ian asked.

"Yes it is, now stop it," Danny replied.

"Ok, I'll continue," Ian said and he started spinning the chair faster.

"Crewman, if you're going to sit there at least do some work," Tuvok said.

"I am working," Ian said.

"No you're not. Let someone else, who wants to work, sit there," Tuvok said.

Ian sighed and he stood up. He stood next to James.

Tuvok turned his chair around. "Is anybody going to do any work?"

The four teens started laughing. They stopped at nearly the same time. "No," Jessie replied.

Tuvok turned back to the helm, he continued piloting.

"So, what was the point in this little trip. We didn't ask anybody to be a donor," Jessie asked.

"I did, nobody volunteered," Tuvok replied.

"We goto a planet filled with thousands of Talaxians and we go back to Voyager empty handed. What's the deal?" James asked.

Tuvok sighed and he turned his chair around. "You four were sent on this mission to get away from Voyager for a while. This had nothing to do with Mr Neelix's lungs."

"It didn't, then why did you say that?" Danny asked.

"The Captain gave me orders to keep this a secret until we had left the planet," Tuvok replied.

"Typical," Jessie muttered.

"We're nearing Voyager," Tuvok said.

"Well that trip was fun, why don't we do it again sometime," Ian said sarcastically.

"I don't think so somehow," Danny muttered.

The shuttle flew into the shuttle bay, the bay doors closed after it.

**The Bridge:**  
Kathryn was sitting on her chair drinking another cup of coffee. Chakotay was sitting beside her. Everyone else were at their usual places.

"I don't think it's me but we didn't actually get any scenes after that Conference meeting?" Tom asked as he turned around.

"Shut up, Tom," everyone muttered.

"The whole point in getting rid of those four was to have a sensible episode. Was it so sensible it had to be axed?" Tom asked.

"Shut up, Tom," Kathryn said.

"No I have a good point here," Tom said.

"There's no point in having a Fifth Voyager episode exactly the same as the original. We have Aggressions for that," Chakotay said.

"So what's the point in having it called Phage if the Vidiians weren't even shown in the episode? We barely even had the Neelix losing his lungs storyline in," Tom said.

"Tom, there is a reason why we keep telling you to shut up," Kathryn said.

"You said that we Aggressions for the 'the episode that is exactly the same as the episode parodied' thing. But we already have 'the episode that has an original episode name, but shows nothing of the original storyline' thing with Hunters," Tom said.

Kathryn turned to Chakotay. "Remind me to bring some selotape for his mouth to duty tomorrow."

"I will," Chakotay said.

**Marill's house:**  
Marill and Raichu came in through the front door carrying several bottles of Cherry Coke. They dumped them on the kitchen bench.

"Are you sure those other bottles will be safe?" Marill asked.

"Hell yes, that Kidz Trek dimension of yours has been very quiet lately," Raichu replied.

"Don't you start, Season 3 is a very time consuming thing," Marill said.

"Whatever," Raichu said.

They both took a bottle and they went into the Living Room. They sat down on the sofa. "Do you really think Voyager will be alright, we did take an awful lot from their replicators?"

"Oh yeah, they'll be fine. I doubt there are as many addicts back in this season," Marill replied. Raichu shrugged and she turned the TV on. Eminem's new video Without Me was on again.

"Oh, not again," Raichu and Marill moaned.

**Meanwhile:**  
The insane guy with the gun was sitting on a sofa watching Big Brother. He still had the black thing covering his face.

"Those annoying writers, I will get them for what they've done to me... some day," he said to himself. He started shaking uncontrollably and he went over to the computer. He turned it on and after a few minutes he had a Fifth Voyager episode on the screen.

After he finished it he screamed. "The insanity! Evil, evil!" he screamed and he started to run around the room. He tripped over an unopened Cherry Coke bottle and he fell into a huge pile of 2 litre bottles.

The front door was pushed down by a huge group of police officers. "Freeze, you're under arrest for armed robbery."

"But... but.. Fifth Voyager made me do it. It's insane I tell ya! Those writers are insane and they wanted to take me with them! Evil.. evil!" the insane guy yelled, still lying in the pile of bottles.

"Er, ok... so glad I brought this," the police officer said and he pulled out a straightjacket.

"Oh yeah," the guy said as he stood up. "I have my spaceship for my escape."

"Yes I'm sure you do," the police officer said. The huge group of police officers were shocked too see the guy beam away, including all the Cherry Coke.

"That's not right," one police officer said.

"Hey, what's this on this computer screen," another police officer said as he read the episode on the screen. Everyone gathered around the screen as well.

***********  
**Will the Cherry Coke problem get better or worse? Who was the insane guy and how did he get a hold of a spaceship? Will those police officers suffer the same fate as the insane guy? Is this episode as bad as Hunters? What was up with Tom? What were the Coca Cola people thinking when they made Diet Coke with Lemon? How much Cherry Coke (and orange juice) was drunk during the writing of this episode? And finally the most important question of all, when are those White Wispa's due out?**  
**Find out the answers to probably none of these questions in the next installment of B4 Fifth Voyager!**  


***********

******THE END******

**Want to vote for this episode? Click here..**

**Previous Episode | Next Episode**  



End file.
